O-h em Gee!

and have epiphanies.
I live for them!
Epiphanies are emmaculate.
I think its divin intervention and what not.
I actually don't have much to talk about.
Just wanted to drop through and let it be known that I'm enjoying life.
I used to be so bad at being happy
being grateful
and being me.
I'm all 3.
And that's the beauty of youth.
You have so much time ahead of you,
and most time you don't realize how valuable it all was until you've let 40 years worth go by.
I really don't like twitter.
and i'm a hot dog away from terminating my membership.
lol. but seriously.
however, I get great encouragement and amazing inspiration from it sometimes.
Today's word--which inspired this post & pretty much changed my life for the day--es:

"Careful of nostalgia often it's like a grammar lesson: You find the present tense and the past perfect."

OMG! Is that not amazing? Is that not everything you needed to know? Is that not the story of your life?!
Well it was mine.
Amanda Diva said it on her twit and I reeeeeallllyyyy f'd with it.
anywho, I hope it does something for all of you out there :)
All THREE of my followers, lol.

Deuce deuce.

i'm sooooo sleepy :-/

19

I didn't want to turn 20.
I didn't realize it until I kept telling people I was 19.
I'm not talkin those first couple days after my birthday, I'm talkin NOW, today, still!
I will conciously tell people I'm 19 and not care to correct myself.
I wonder why that is...
So I guess I'm gonna psychoanalyze myself:
Nothing spectacular happened to me during my year of 19.
It was actually a very odd, predictable, dry time in my life.
Nothing mind-altering, life changing. But I still can't say it was a bad year.
I'm thinking maybe because 19 was a comfort zone.
Not to be cliche, but I guess I was still closer to adolescence and that much further from adulthood--the way I like it.
Few people may have heard me say it, but I don't want to grow up.
Not that I want to be a child forever, I just don't feel like dealing with adulthood.
Lazy.
Ok so 19 was my inbetween time, which I feel like I've been living in my whole life.
I've always thought of myself to be a late bloomer...always wondering when I will grow into myself and when people will accept it.
So 19 was my time to tell myself "this is the awkward age! you're not supposed to understand what's going on. Just live through it, grow from it and accept it."
I mean, I guess 19 was just a time when I felt like I could get away with anything.
And the further I get away from it, the further I feel I'm getting away from myself.
I just want to start over.
Do alot differently.
I guess that's what 19 means.

then i looked it up...

"the number of the star which illuminates the intelligence, invigorates the innocents or the pure hearts, illustrated by children playing in the garden of the humanity, when the peace is made between the empires"

"Symbolize the harmony, the knowledge acquired by the sun and which goes of par with the moon"
I guess that is what 19 means.

M-an I love College

every so often, I realize how lucky I am.
I have a great family who gives me everything I need
I'm attending the college of my choice
I've been able to work to support myself and my family when they need it
I have met some amazing people
who have been amazing friends
I have found a great passion for education
I've fallen in love with a city other than D.C./P.G.
I try new things everyday
I believe I have truly found myself,
and I expand upon that person constantly
For once, I have learned how to love myself.
it's just so exciting sometimes to see the person you're becoming
and remember the person you were.
You realize that every day will not be sunny,
but you also realize that that doesn't mean you can't dance in the rain.
I've grown up enough to know when you can't go it alone
and when you have to bow out gracefully.
I'm working on alot though
and I still don't have all the answers.
There's still alot that I wish I could change,
and alot that because I can't change it--I wish I could accept.
But no one's perfect.
And I don't even strive to be.
I looove being flawed, wrong, defected--
it's all good :)
Because it really is.
Because somedays, I'm SO happy to be here.
and somedays I wish I never were.
But today is one of those days where I'm so happy that I'm at this particular red light,
where I can sit and think,
admire my surroundings
and the people sitting and moving around me.
I guess you could say I'm in my bag.
It's just that life really doesn't happen the way you expect it, or plan it to--
but it's always gonna turn out the way it's supposed to.
So I'm not scared of anything
not too much.
Because it's written in the stars.
The stars are above us
there for us,
but out of our reach
providing the glimpses of hope, inspiration and dreams during a clear dark night
when for just a moment, we looked up and experience utter captivation.
it feels like home
for you?
for me.
the stars have always been a friend to me
because I never had to understand them or defined them
I let them be,
and let them be what I wanted them to be for me.
and that's fine ;)
I really owe it all to college.
it loved me.